Sunday, December 25, 2011
Is it still Christmas Eve at 3 A.M.? That's how the story goes, with the Creeper sitting on a payphone in Boston in the snow, talking to a phone sex operator. "I just don't believe anyone called Paula Passion would spend her Christmas talkin' dirty to guys like me! ...So... where exactly do you stand on abortion? Foreign aid? Infrastructure investments? Saxophones? You into sax, Paula?" She hung up on him. "And I thought a democratic administration would make a difference! Ha ha ha... guess not!"
The Giggling Ghoul made his way to a bar with a friendly tender named Chalky, where he announced, "The road to enlightenment is pitted with moist orifices!" The Creeper was invited to partake of the cheap karaoke set-up, on which he tortured the Tom Jones hit "Delilah." Chalky asked him to give it a rest, especially in light of the hostage situation on the news.
Dave was an unbalanced religious nut with a gun pointed at his wife and infant child while voices in his head told him to kill. Snipers on adjacent rooftops were just waiting for a clear shot. The Creeper shimmied down an air vent to the apartment's basement, then worked his way upstairs while singing the Bee Gees' "Stayin' Alive."
The Leaping Looney leaped loonily through Dave's wooden door, and was mistaken for the Demon. "Hey, I resent that! I'm much better looking!" A beating later, Dave was subdued, and his wife plead with the Creeper not to hurt him. "Don't worry. My strict moral code won't let me kill him!" The Macabre Manhunter then pushed the wife and child out to the hallway to keep them safe around the undoubtedly jumpy snipers outside. The Creeper poked fun at her perfume and outfit while making a racket within the apartment.
The Creeper explained to Dave that all the cops outside were all wound up, and he feared they might take that pressure home with them and abuse their loved ones. "You're going to relieve that tension-- Good luck, guy!" The Giggling Ghoul had bound Dave to a makeshift wooden dolly with his gun hand extended. Then, the Creeper hoisted Dave up from his feet, and the snipers did the rest. As his wife screamed, the Creeper explained, "Honey, he was a maniac. He was going to kill you. By his own strict code, it was his duty to die! Christmas? Sheesh! Who'd have it?
The Warbling Weirdo returned to his bar, where he sang "Dirty Water" by the Standells.
"A Cold Night in Hell" was A Tale of a Happier Holiday Time by Keith Giffen (Plot/Breakdowns,) Alan Grant (Dialog,) and Ted McKeever (Art/Colors)