Comic Reader Résumé: December, 1985

Wrapping up 1985 with December comics. Deadman #1 was in my buddy's grocery sack o'comics in 1988. That was the one with the JLGL art, so it looked swell.

Lil' bro bought the entire Firestar mini-series. I liked Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends as much as the next guy, but not enough to power through that lame book. It's a special level of failure to pack this much X-Men content into a story, including a Wolverine cover, and still be completely overlooked. But also, they got Bill Sienciewcz to ink Art Adams for the #3 cover, and saved the lovely BWS cover for #4, while the first cover looked like a lousy interior panel that got blown up? I'm sure the nigh-florescent solid fuchsia background color did them no favors.

I have to be honest, my brother might have been buying Incredible Hulk as far back as #314, with the covers to #315 & 317 being awful familiar, but all these Byrne slugfest run together in my mind. Which time was Hulk throwing down against other heroes and supporting characters amidst a bunch of rubble? It's hard to say. A lot of these images were reused in supplemental magazines like Marvel Age and Marvel Handbook, another layer of confusion.

Ditto X-Factor #2. I think they were doing to good a job of replicating the original X-Men stories, because I didn't like reading them, either. My half-brother scored a lot of low grade double-digits X-Men from his neighborhood shop, especially the Werner Roth stuff, but he did have at least one of the Steranko issues. I don't think he had any Neal Adams, though. So all those books were about the five X-Men piling on against a single uninspired villain of the month. Despite all their railing against prejudice, the optics made them look like bullies, and also the optics were by a guy less well regarded than Don Heck. This month's X-Factor piled on Tower, a guy he got tall. So exciting.

Marvel Saga #4 was the big muties issues, including the origins of Juggernaut, Professor X and his relationship with Magneto, Xavier's crippling by an alien called Lucifer, a brief history of the Summers clan and the first solo adventure of Cyclops. Next, Dr. Don Blake encounters the stone men, and a walking stick that can summon the mystical uru metal hammer of the Mighty Asgardian Thor. Blake further determines that he be worthy to harness the power and form of the Norse god of thunder. Next, Dr. Henry Pym develops particles that allow him to shrink into an Ant-Man. Finally, Dr. Doom convinces Sub-Mariner to unite forces against the FF. This issue sure set me up to get the identity of Onslaught wrong, let me tell you.

I'd be curious to know what the rationale was for the Wonder Man one shot special. It had a painted Bill Sienkiewcz cover, which let's be real, is well above Simon Williams' station. But also, it's a man in a safari jacket fighting white pygmy centurions, and that had to limit its commercial appeal. The interiors are by Kerry Gammill, so it could have been an art gem, except they turned Vinnie Colleta loose on the pages. That's understandable if you have a crushing deadline, but Wonder Man one shot? My guess is that it was an aborted mini-series from Marvel's 1983 glut that got repurposed on the cheap. Hearing Wonder Man's origin as an embezzler and traitor did not endear me, and this was clearly not the first of his many, many ugly costumes. I also wasn't overly fond of his being an actor of the professional wrestler/soap opera caliber, what with the taste of Booster Gold still in my mouth. I already regret that phrasing. I don't know what possessed me to acquire this book, and to maintain a very mild affection toward Wonder Man for any period of time, but rest assured that feeling past swiftly without a trace.

After a bit of a gap, I think I dipped into Elfquest #8, but the cover is more familiar than the contents.

Ah, G.I. Joe Yearbook #2, with that boss Michael Golden cover spotlighting Snake-Eyes, Roadblock, and Lady Jane. Two movies, and nobody ever thought to just center one on the most popular Joes in heightened military action? I guess that would have gotten in the way of Marlon Wayans in a powered suit fighting Joseph Gordon Levitt and the Ninth Doctor in a story set before any of the characters were any good. This book though, has Michael Golden interiors to go with the cover, automatically making it one of the greatest Joe comics ever. G.I. Joe must hold some kind of record for most awesome covers in direct opposition to the quality of the story art. Plus, it's a full length story featuring Destro and Baroness against the Winter Guard, the Russian equivalent of the Joes. Also, it's full of toyetic vehicles drawn to look cooler than the actual toys! Like I said, an all-timer. This was followed by a long article on the G.I Joer cartoon, and a cover gallery to date featuring an add for the U.S.S. Flagg aircraft carrier playset. Next was a Marvel Saga type review of the year in Joe comics, and yes, I used these Yearbooks to fill in the holes in my collecting like the grandpa in Lost Boys used TV Guide to avoid actually watching TV. You might say to yourself, "wow, that's a lot of page filling recycled content," to which I'd reply, if that's how they budgeted to get Michael Golden, it was worth it. It also covered the two Golden pin-ups at the back, including the shot of Roadblock notoriously swiped by Rob Liefeld for a heavily trafficked Cable image.

Like the final issue of Dazzler this month, just because lil' bro bought Secret Wars II #9 doesn't mean I could be bothered to read it. Leialoha inking Milgrom sure has Gibson inking Staton Millennium energy. The main thing I remember from this issue is the late term abortion panel that got reused for Beyonder's entry in the handbook of the dead. It makes you think you'd like to read that story until you try to look at any given page of this abomination.

The cover and interior art on Sectaurs #5 is so incredible, I had to wonder what happened to this Steve Geiger guy, and was reminded that he was responsible for those bland Hulk covers from early in Todd McFarlane's run. From there he did some underwhelming Spider-Man stuff, some New Universe, and more toy tie-ins. What gives? From there I checked on co-inker Joe DelBeato, which made a lot more sense. He was the inker over Michael Chen for most of his short run in the comics field, and that guy was like a prototype for Arthur Adams. An kinetic detailing beast that just didn't get a lot of material out there. And then we get to the third inker, credited only as Williams. GCD seems to think this was Keith Williams, who did in fact ink Geiger of Web of Spider-Man, except that art looked nothing like this. The timing is about right for it to actually be Scott Williams, who was already assisting on Alien Legion and Longshot. That said, it's Geiger and Keith Williams on the next issue, and it's still quite good, though not as stunning as this issue. The story? Let's not worry about the story. Focus on pretty pictures.

Begrudgingly back for Blue Devil #22, which I'm starting to think must have been in the flea market years, my memory is so dim of having read it. This is a tale of Las Vegas lunacy involving the blobby orange alien guys from an issue I wasn't into in the single digits. Lots of stomping around in casinos, but little actual amusement.

I'm a little dubious that The Punisher #3 came out this December, as the mini-series was missing publication dates from the very start, and it sure felt like there were long gaps between issues. But then again, I'm not confident my brtother was getting them brand new, so maybe it took him a while to score each issue. This one was less about spree killing and more about Punisher navigating mob intrigue and a plot borrowing heavily from the Dirty Harry sequel Magnum Force. It was still good, but the first issue was so perfect that distance from it was it's own diminishing return. But also, Zeck was struggling with deadlines and couldn't make the art sing to the same degree from issue to issue, though the splash page offers one of the all-time best Frank Castle head shots. By which I mean a picture of his face, not the spray of some schmuck's gray matter.

I think I had the option of picking up Uncanny X-Men #201 off the stands, introducing baby Nate Summers and featuring the battle between Cyclops and Storm for leadership of the team. However, it was drawn by Rick Leonardi, so I di'int. I don't recall ever seeing #202. #203 was a Secret Wars II tie-in, so my half-brother bought it. Looked kinda trippy, but also like your typical Claremont head games, focusing on Rogue and Rachael Summers. I had no interest in either of those two characters, and never read this one. Even when I was filling gaps in my run with X-Men Classic, I never got the reprint of this issue. I guess I waited until 1986 to begin properly committing to following the mutants with any kind of regularity.

Oh no, is it time to read Misty #3 already? I made the mistake of continuing to cover 1985 in quarters, regardless of length, and to help I worked on all three months at once. It played havoc on my writing order, and there were months long gaps, so I'm really looking forward to going monthly in 1986 and having twelve minute episodes again. It also means I should have to read two Meet Misty issues in as many nights ever again. On their soap opera As The Cookie Crumbles, Darlene and Misty are in danger of being pushed aside by Lake Lovelock, the biggest siren since Aunt Millie retired from modeling. And this was according to Darlene! After all that build-up, I was pretty unimpressed with Loverlock, what with Darleen sporting an outfit designed by Gilbert Hernandez. Misty initially agrees to help Darleen sabotage Lovelock, but ever the goody-too-shoes, Misty passively reneges. Darleen manages to turn Lovelock's hair green, which is actually becoming, and Misty gives the fellow actress her wardrobe when a smoke bomb ruins Lovelock's. It all turns out to be pointless, because Lovelock was dating the rocker Billy Active, and Darlene unintentionally set up Ricky and Misty to go to his concert that night. Further, the "hot" scene that the girls were worried about was related to actual pyrotechnics, not interpersonal heat. The second story is a very special episode, where what the girls think is a haunted house turns out to be where an old woman is barely surviving on her own. Luckily Misty insisted on investigating, and helped save the woman until her handsome grandson can come stay with her. Terry Beatty and Janet Jackson design outfits in this one, and there's even a gag where Mike Mignola is credit for the raccoons they find in the attic. So yeah, this one was actually a lot better than the previous two. My main complaint is that Misty is too good and Darleen too bad. Not only is it close to the Betty & Veronica dynamic, but it's even more polarized, making Misty a predictable bore and Darlene a moneyed monster.

We'll close out 1985 in comics with OHOTMU #5. I'll be honest, in a time of Rainbow Bright and Care Bears, I never appreciated Glorian's riding in on a rainbow marring my Hulk & Hawkeye cover. It was representative of the issue as a whole, featuring an excess of cosmic characters I never cared for with g-sounds in their names. I might have otherwise appreciated the cleverness of a Curt Swan Gladiator, but I was too annoyed with the company on both the concept and art front to give the gimmick a pass. As a kid, it took me all the way to page 32's Gypsy Moth by Sandy Plunkett to see something I liked, and you don;t want Gypsy Moth setting the bar. This might as well have been a issue of Who's Who, with Elders of the Universe replacing New Gods and Inhumans subbing for Atari Force members. Mark Gruenwald, usually known as a writer and editor, thought it would be a good idea to obscure Hawkeye's face with his fist for his entry art. Oh hey, an entry on the Egyptian pantheon. How Thriller. Daimon Hellstrom and Patsy Walker, retired in plainclothes. There are more highlights than I'm highlighting, in part because I expect they play better for others than myself, as for me this one was a bit of a dog.